A Crewe woman who suffers from anorexia has spoken of how living with an eating disorder has affected her life for the past 10 years.
Maddie has been diagnosed with anorexia and orthorexia, which is an unhealthy obsession with ‘pure’ food. She now uses the Clarion Ward service at Cygnet Health Care’s Nield House, on Barrows Green, Crewe, and says the service has transformed her life.
Maddie Clarion Ward, which is a specialised personality disorder service for women who have dual diagnoses of personality disorder and co-morbid disordered eating, has enabled Maddie to 'fall in love with food again'. She says she now has 'hopes for a healthy future'.
"After struggling with anorexia nervosa for over 10 years, I believed I’d never be able to even touch certain foods again let alone try them," Maddie said.
"With the help, support, education and encouragement from the best team at Cygnet Health Care Nield House, I have managed to make huge steps in my recovery to begin challenging food fears.
"I have gone from the very stubborn girl who wouldn’t admit to her struggles to someone now fighting her fears one bite at a time. I have recently started exposure therapy with the dietitian, alongside completing a meal journal which has definitely been a huge help to begin tackling my ingrained orthorexia (an unhealthy obsession with ‘pure’ food) beliefs.
"If someone would have said to me a few months ago to try this, I would have said 'no way' and broken down in tears. However with the help from the amazing team at Nield House, I have got to a point where I’m finally taking the leap of faith."
Maddie says one thing that has helped to transform her relationship with food is keeping a journal. She writes down the benefits of different foods and says it helps her to introduce foods into her diet that she shunned for many years.
"As someone who has cut out essential whole food groups for many years, it was a massive deal for me to try different things," Maddie said.
"I started off with something that is super simple and probably sounds silly to most but to me having beans on toast would be a meal I would not even consider having. Where has it been all my life? This was the beginning of really pushing myself with exposure to different foods again.
"From there I went on to try baking my own bread. I really enjoyed the process of making the bread and it felt like a purposeful activity. I never try anything I make but I really pushed myself and gave the bread a try despite it being a huge fear.
"I am incredibly grateful beyond words for the support I am receiving from the team here at Nield House and my wonderful inspiring peers. I wouldn’t be in the better place I’m in if it wasn’t for their help and valuable expertise. But something that I have found to be very true is that at the end of the day you have to be willing to try something new yourself. Action not just words."
Having made huge strides and feeling grateful for the help she is receiving, Maddie urged anyone living with an eating disorder to act now and seek help. She hopes to inspire others to begin their own journey of recovery but says ultimately 'you're the driver behind the wheel'.
Maddie said: "Something I advise to anyone out there contemplating recovery is it really is now or never. If you keep putting it off until tomorrow, tomorrow will never come and if you’re lucky enough to be receiving the help I am, then trust the professionals.
"Anorexia is like a blanket that feels safe and comfortable because it’s what you’ve known but it becomes suffocating and keeps you trapped and isolated in its hold. You don’t realise it is the demon disorder completely taking over your life.
"Yes recovery is uncomfortable and the hardest thing, but it’s also the bravest thing you can do. I told myself I see all this information in the media about foods, health, weight etc, but I have the best, highly qualified professionals’ right in front of me. I realised it was time to really take into action their advice and not some random stranger on the internet.
"I couldn’t possibly praise the whole team here enough for their amazing support. If you think of your support system as a car - the wheels are the doctors providing their expertise and medication; the fuel is the dietitians, psychologists and occupational therapists providing therapy and skills; the body of the car can be the nurses and support staff encouraging you to keep fighting.
"At the end of the day you’re the driver behind the wheel that has to have the determination and willpower to embrace recovery in all its glory."
NEWSLETTER: Sign up for CheshireLive email direct to your inbox here
Story Saved
You can find this story in My Bookmarks.Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right.
